Axing Anxiety and Finding Faith

September, October and November did not come silently this year.

So my anxiety has left hibernation for the first time in about four years. My last year of school has been filled with doubts, about my major, my wedding, and my "life plan."

Constant traveling, for photography, for family, for holidays, and for tragedy has begun to wear on me. I put 3,000+ miles on my car in the last month. Plus side, I don't need my GPS to get home anymore... Whoo.

I am a homebody, and I have known that my whole life; traveling to New England has been the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. It helped to broaden my horizon to different cultures, whether they be international or local. And as much as I love the culture and what it has to offer, nothing will ever feel as safe as home. So after almost 4 years of being here, my insane brain is finally feeling the wear... and I know this will be a long and lonely New England Winter...

To ground me and my trivial issues, my fiance's family was struck with tragedy.

So this past week, while mourning the passing of a beautiful soul, I found myself, for the first time in years, sitting in the pews of a beautiful Catholic church.

I was stuck between crumbling souls, desperate for another minute with their brother, their step son, their uncle, their best friend...

And as the ceremony progressed, I found myself in pieces. What if my brother had passed? Or my sister? My mother? My father? The love of my life? What if it was me? Would I be happy with my life? Typical death woes... However, despite being extremely distraught, I felt strangely secure and safe.

I consoled myself; I had Faith that this man and everyone I know would be enjoying eternity in Heaven.

"I had Faith."

I couldn't remember the last time I had told myself that...

After the procession, I stopped to look around. And I saw the beauty of the Church, the beauty of the people, the beauty of the world, the beauty of life, and the beauty of God.

I had previously denounced Catholicism, having issues with some beliefs and rituals; despite this, I never became an Atheist. I have always believed in a Higher Being.

So where do I go from here? What do I do next?

One step at a time...

For now, I will acknowledge this world as a masterpiece made by the Creator.

Also, don't take this post as a sign to shove your Religion down my throat, because I give no shits.