Pats & Giants: Rematch

And here we are again...

During the 2007-2008 season for the New England Patriots, I sat on the edge of my seat for every game I could. Living in Maryland, we mainly got Ravens and Redskins coverage (blah.) They just kept winning and were nearing the untouchable perfect season!

Emotions were high.

I sat in my Patriots shirt, watching the Super Bowl XLII while clutching my pillow that night. Now as much as I would like to rewrite history and say the Patriots joined the Dolphins in the "Perfect Season Club"... I cannot.

My phone was going nuts as numerous spiteful texts filled my inbox. Everyone knew I stood by my New England team no matter what (because my parents raised me right! GO BOSTON.)

Now I won't lie, I cried. The Patriots were so close to victory but it just wasn't written in the stars... After the game had ended and my phone had finally silenced, it went off one last time.

Tired of all of the hate I was getting, I picked up my phone ready to chew someone out. Then I saw it was from a person I hadn't talked to in over a year, Max Venezia.

I quickly opened my phone to see the only good text message I got all day, "Fucking Giants."

And as I remember this story today, whether the Pats win or lose, I remember that the 2007-2008 perfect season fail, which haunts so many Bostonians, actually ended well for me.

Axing Anxiety and Finding Faith

September, October and November did not come silently this year.

So my anxiety has left hibernation for the first time in about four years. My last year of school has been filled with doubts, about my major, my wedding, and my "life plan."

Constant traveling, for photography, for family, for holidays, and for tragedy has begun to wear on me. I put 3,000+ miles on my car in the last month. Plus side, I don't need my GPS to get home anymore... Whoo.

I am a homebody, and I have known that my whole life; traveling to New England has been the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. It helped to broaden my horizon to different cultures, whether they be international or local. And as much as I love the culture and what it has to offer, nothing will ever feel as safe as home. So after almost 4 years of being here, my insane brain is finally feeling the wear... and I know this will be a long and lonely New England Winter...

To ground me and my trivial issues, my fiance's family was struck with tragedy.

So this past week, while mourning the passing of a beautiful soul, I found myself, for the first time in years, sitting in the pews of a beautiful Catholic church.

I was stuck between crumbling souls, desperate for another minute with their brother, their step son, their uncle, their best friend...

And as the ceremony progressed, I found myself in pieces. What if my brother had passed? Or my sister? My mother? My father? The love of my life? What if it was me? Would I be happy with my life? Typical death woes... However, despite being extremely distraught, I felt strangely secure and safe.

I consoled myself; I had Faith that this man and everyone I know would be enjoying eternity in Heaven.

"I had Faith."

I couldn't remember the last time I had told myself that...

After the procession, I stopped to look around. And I saw the beauty of the Church, the beauty of the people, the beauty of the world, the beauty of life, and the beauty of God.

I had previously denounced Catholicism, having issues with some beliefs and rituals; despite this, I never became an Atheist. I have always believed in a Higher Being.

So where do I go from here? What do I do next?

One step at a time...

For now, I will acknowledge this world as a masterpiece made by the Creator.

Also, don't take this post as a sign to shove your Religion down my throat, because I give no shits.

Every once in a while, I fantasize about leaving my life and starting fresh. And recently, this feeling has been more and more frequent.

Fuck this major, fuck this life plan, and, in general, fuck this shit.

When will it be my turn for people to care about me? This wedding has been the only time when I feel like people may care about my wants and needs. When is it finally my turn to be a little selfish?

It seems that every night is the same. Doing homework, sipping Margaritas, cuddling kitties, and watching wedding shows. The lack of variety in my life makes me happy.

advertising woes

The more I get into advertising and art direction courses, I worry that I am not going to be good at this. Every idea that I think is clever, articulated well, and gold, almost always gets turned down.

I am beginning to doubt my creativity, drive, and professionalism...